Friday, August 28, 2009

it keeps hurting me to let myself falls for you..

so, i was getting boring and what can I do is picked up my phone and sent a message to my bestfriend.. and the things is, this is some of his text message whenever we are talking about my beloved...
ko tu yg x mju.
sape srh ko msnhkn kprcayan dye.
dye ckp ko mcm xnk lyn dye.
pastu dye kte klu ngn org laen ko nmpk mesra je tp ngn dye haram..
okay, i admit it is my mistake for breaking his trust to me.... with no deny at all, I know that is my fault... lying him about 'najwa' just because I want to be hypocrite.. I dont want to be myself infront of him... creating 'najwa' which holds my personality... and let him thinking 'najwa' and me is two different person.. I dont need people to tell me, I just know, this is my fault.. and one more things, the statement which I dont entertain him is such a loose, unstable idea... I keep trying my best just to see my friendship with him is getting better and you can say this to me..?? and do I look mesra infront of the others boys...?? Im talking to the boys as well im talking to the girls, in a same way...and I never ever think this haram-halal issue is getting into BIGGER issue because I do talk to him in the college.. eventhough is was preety small compared to my others bestfriend dialogue, I do keep trying to talk to him each time I had the chances... and you know, Im dying to have the chances...
I dont know.
korg mmmg plek.
aq pn xtau mne 1 btol.
dye ke ko.
srba slh aq.
dye kwn aq, ko pn kwn aq.
aq cme arp korg b'baek smula.
aq x ske tgk korg cmni.
this time message, i would says thanks for wishing and hoping that my friendship with him becomes better again... i do feel bad making you tsepit between me and him... SORRY plus THANKS for this message sender... credits for him.. haha...
Ye aq tau.
tp ko kna gk setelkn mnda ni cpt sblm jd prh.
xde org dlm dnia ske tngk kwn bek slig gdh.
thanx again for your advice... I tried everything I can do and now, its up to him... whether to forgive me or not.. whether to continue our friendships or let break into small pieces.. anyway, thanx for giving your support... really appreaciate it...huhu...
then, i asked my friends, do he always giving the statement, the statement which says:
dye ckp ko mcm xnk lyn dye.
pstu dye kte klo ngn org laen ko nmpk mesre je tp ngn dye haram
then he answered, something that could make me feel both in positive and negative emotions...
slalu gk.
mcm ko ckp ngn *m, ***r, aq n sape2 jela.
aq x phm ape sbenarnye prasaan dye kt ko.
so, is this called what..?? can someone tell me please... should I be happy with this statement or the other side... tell me please...!!
dh tu ko lyn dye nk xnk je.
kcik ati dye.
klo x ske, tros trg je la.
x bek wt org mcm tu.
nnt sng kt ko n dye gk.
xyah kalot2 pkir hal ni.
okay.. I do love him but sometimes my surrounding force me to do something that I and him hate to do most.. I didnt mean lyn nk xnk je, despite he doing the same to me, but sometimes, his action mke me felt being unappreaciate and weakest infront of him... I could easily hurt by his action and at the end, I'll be alone, crying with no one beside me to wipe off my tears.. But still, I accept my fate as I am because he can make me smile as well as he can make me cry..
Sometimes, I keep asking myself, is this I have to pay and sacrifice to make our friendships as the others.. wih no fight and argument..??
Sometimes, I keep asking myself, how can I let myself falls for him eventhough I keep falling down, falling to the ground each time..?? And, falling to the ground is really paintful.. ALWAYS..

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